one year ago tonight...

I was counting down to my due date which was April 8th...

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• 3/29/04 • 10 days •

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9:13pm...

OK I started watching Fear Factor and ever since I put it on a little after 8, I've been having more intense contractions and lower back pain. It's getting pretty crazy. I am starting to wonder if this is really it... and I am just in denial... or if it is just some contractions and cramps and back pain and its false labor.

TK had to go to a dinner and he wants to know if I want a steak - I was like NO YOU FOOL COME HOME IN CASE I AM REALLY IN LABOR!!!

I want to take a shower and make sure my bag is packed but I feel kinda frozen right now. I am really mad that he is not here right at this very moment but he had to go to this thing. I don't think either one of us really thought it would set in right now.

For all I know this could be "false" labor and I'll be on the air tomorrow laughing at myself for writing this and freaking out... but the pain is getting more intense and I can't see how it will just subside and go away. I think the doula who taught our baby class said something about how sometimes you take a little while to realize "ok this is it, I can't control this and it is actually happening"... so maybe that is me right now.

Anyway, I'll keep you posted. Don't go freaking out yet - I am not in excrutiating pain and I can still speak. I am going to call the doctor when he comes home and find out what they think. They did not check to see if I am dilated at all (sorry, I have been trying to keep such words out of here, but it's mostly women who read this anyway!) so I have no idea. No water breakage... I think since it hasn't broken TK thinks its nothing but he fails to remember that half the time the doctor has to break it!

Please let this be real!! If she is born tomorrow then she would share a birthday with her Uncle Ryan!! He turns 21 tomorrow!!

D

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FAST FORWARD ONE YEAR...

My friend Nicole just IM'd me and she was like... isn't it so funny a year ago at this time we were wondering if you were in labor. She and I were chatting on IM, and next thing she knew I disappeared and she didn't hear back from me all night...

I don't think I ever told the whole story of my labor... In fact I remember writing that I would tell you when I had a chance, but things got so crazy I never really had the time to sit down and write everything I wanted to write.

It's 10:35 right now... A year ago at this time I was hobbling around the apartment in extreme pain. I was scared... I remember thinking I just wanted the pain to stop... and then I'd go to the other extreme... I'm going to meet my baby!!!

TK got home from Shula's around 9:30... by that time I was freaking out. I went to take a shower and he was ON THE COMPUTER and the phone contacting people to make sure things were in order for the next day since I wouldn't be in... I think he was in denial that it was really happening...

I called the doctor. The doctor said "stay in bed until it becomes unbearable... just try to lay down... call us in a few hours..."

THEY ALWAYS SAY THAT SHIT TO FIRST TIME MOMMIES... like that it takes SO LONG and you'll end up going to the hospital and getting sent home, etc.

SCREW THAT.

My labor was fast. Had I listened to that doctor and waited a few HOURS, TK would have delivered the baby all over our white down comforter!!

Of course TK heard the phone conversation I had with the doctor and was telling me to relax and lay down. At one point we called his mom too... and I don't even remember what she said other than "yes, it sounds like you are in labor..."

I tried to follow doctor's orders and lay down... but I couldn't. I was hunched over the side of the bed. TK was trying to help me sit on the bed but I couldn't. All I could do was hold my back and say "ow ow ow it hurts it hurts it hurts...."

I felt like I had to call someone and tell them what was going on... so I called my brother to let him know he'd be sharing his birthday with his new niece!! He was so excited... he was with his friends and told them he was about to be an uncle. I said something about hoping he didn't mind sharing his birthday - and he said, "no way - I'll love her even more."

I took a shower. I remember a lot of people telling me the best thing to do right before going to the hospital is to take a hot shower. By the end of it all, you're sweaty and dirty and grosser than you've ever felt in your life - but showing up clean and getting refreshed would do wonders. I was in such intense pain I probably shouldn't have stepped into a wet slippery tub... but I had to do it. The water was so hot but it felt good on my hurting back. I had the water on full force and wished I had one of those massager shower heads!! Funny how I remember little thoughts like that. I was leaning on the wall since I couldn't stand up straight.

I made it out of the shower and struggled to get my clothes on. I had to go to the bathroom... and remember thinking "oh God don't let the baby fall out in the toilet!" My mom always told me that I was almost born in the toilet LOL... I don't know if that's true or if she was just kidding... but its still funny.

Then I started flipping out on TK to hurry up because we had to go... I think he was just really freaked out by the whole thing... didn't know what to do, how to help, what to expect, etc.

Oh, and I hadn't packed. I kept thinking if I packed too early I would jinx myself and she'd be late... so instead I had to run around in excrutiating pain looking for everything I needed. Luckily I had picked up a little toiletry kit with shampoo, soap, razor, deodorant, toothbrush, etc... but I needed clothes and all the baby things....

We finally made it out the door. TK went to get the Tiburon and I remember saying to him "when we go over that bumpy road off Bayshore to get to the hospital, you have to go slow!!!"

I'd been dreading the 10 minute ride to the hospital for months since I knew that bumpy little road I went on every time I had to go to the ob would kill me... Anyway, he went slow.

We get to TGH and I'm thinking there must be some Emergency parking or something... no. All spots by the ER filled. We gotta park in the garage!!! You'd also think there might be a wheel chair or something in the garage - nope.

I had to walk all the way across the garage IN AGONY. It seemed like we would NEVER get to the front door of the hospital...

Then we walk in and there's an old man at the security desk. I am noticeably frustrated and PANTING IN FRIGGING LABOR... and this guy is like "can I help you?"

WE NEED THE MATERNITY WARD YOU IDIOT!!

TK did the talking. I bit my tongue because I was in no mood for people who didn't have any sense of urgency about my state of being.

The security guard proceeded to give us extensive directions to the maternity ward. I should have mapquested it before we left the apartment because it was literally on the other side of the frigging world at that point... down to the East wing, go right, go left, take the elevator to the 4th floor, walk around in cirlces 3 times, have baby on floor because you get lost and can't find it...

That was the longest walk of my life. I was trying to go fast, holding on to TK and squeezing him. We were in the elevator with some other people and I was like "Hi, I'm in labor." They smiled.

We get to the maternity floor and the nurses are like "can we help you."

YES I AM IN LABOR - CAN'T YOU SEE - YOU PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE TRAINED IN THIS!!!

Finally the offered me a wheelchair... but by that point I didn't want it. I didn't feel like I could sit down.

Then we have to do paperwork. I'm hee-hee-hoo-ing away and TK is trying to fill it out but he can't even remember any of my info so I snatched it away... the nurse behind the desk ended up doing it and I gave her the answers.

NOTE TO SELF: PRE-REGISTER AT THE HOSPITAL LONG BEFORE DUE DATE.

Trust me, I wish I had. That 5 minutes of filling out paperwork ended up being the reason I didn't get any drugs!!!

Once it was time to go... I really started getting nervous. I had no idea what was going to happen... yeah you go to the class and they tell you some stuff, but it isn't until you're in the moment that you really know what's going to happen.

The nurse held my hand - well, no, I HELD HERS, TIGHTLY - as we walked down the hall... I was trying to move along and she told me to slow down, that it was OK to take my time... I would take a few steps, stop, hee-hee-hoo, hee-hee-hoo... and then be OK. The contractions were coming fast and furious.

They take me into this tiny little room and tell me to go pee in a cup. I'm thinking - WHY? HAVEN'T I PEED IN A CUP ENOUGH TIMES? WHY DO YOU NEED MORE OF MY PEE, WHO CARES WHAT IS IN MY PEE RIGHT NOW - THE BABY IS COMING!!

Oh, these 2 nurses barely spoke English. I try to be very patient with people who do not speak clear English - but this was not the time to stick me with people I couldn't understand.

I go to piss in the cup, and as I'm struggling to get my pants down, I realize there's SOMEONE ELSE'S PISS IN A CUP ON THE SINK.

NASTY. All of a sudden I wanted to vomit. I'm in AGONY, I can't move. I felt like my whole body was cramping and every muscle ached, and then I see this cup of someone else's nasty pee and I thought I was going to hurl.

I pulled my pants back up, walked out of the bathroom and said - "GROSS, THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE'S PEE IN THERE AND IT IS REALLY DISGUSTING." I didn't yell it, it was more of a childish whine...

The nurse removed the pee. Didn't even apologize. I'm thinking - great, this place is REAL sanitary... and on top of that, why are you making me go through this pissing in a cup thing if you're just going to leave it there for the next poor laboring woman to encounter???

I peed in the cup. And on my hand. I never did get the peeing in a cup thing down. Add to that the pain of labor - what a mess. I had to lean over to the sink to at least rinse my hands before attempting to put on my little hospital gown.

I get the gown on. TK picked up my clothes off the bathroom floor and put them in the plastic bag. By now I'm just irritated.

They ask me on a scale of 1-10 what my pain level is. They have this hilarious picture on the wall with smiley faces on it for 1, no pain... and then by 10 its this horribly angry looking face... I SAID "TEN!!!!"

I believe it was around this time I started panting and asking for "the drugs"... the nurse explained to me "no drugs, not yet, we get it ready, IV, you need IV"... so I'd never had an IV before... She's trying to poke at the vein in my wrist with a needle the size of a pitchfork, and I'm having contractions by the minute... one would subside, she'd go to stab me, and it would come back. I was freaking out.

Somehow the IV ended up in me. The woman putting it in scared me. This is going to sound horrible, but it is the truth, I just felt like after the pee incident, and the fact that I couldn't really understand what she was saying to me, that I didn't want her poking me with a large needle. I was on edge enough as it is...

Finally a nice young resident doctor came in. She was totally sweet and I instantly felt better. She informed me I was already 5 cm. She said "WOW - you did half the work at home!!"

I then asked how long it would be before the baby would come... she said probably around 7 or 8 in the morning - meaning in about 7-8 hours. They usually estimate 1cm per hour until you're 10cm, then an hour or 2 of pushing.

OH GOD, GET ME THE DRUGS... ONCE I HAVE THE DRUGS IT WON'T HURT LIKE THIS RIGHT??? OK GOOD... HOW SOON???

They assured me they were getting the drugs ready, and that they just had to get me to the other room and hook up the fetal monitor to make sure little Kyla was ok...

Great! A new room! Drugs!

But no... as we're going down the hall, the sheet got caught under the wheel of the gurney and slid off... and all the paperwork fell off with it.

GOD DAMMIT!!

Yes, that's exactly what I said. GOD DAMMIT.

I was so pissed. I'm in labor on this gurney with no underwear on, in a hospital gown, my legs spread LOL... and these chicks can't even make sure the sheet doesn't come off me in the middle of the hallway. Of course nobody saw, but I just didn't need any minor obstacles... I WANTED THE DRUGS!!

We get into the delivery room and I'm just panting and whimpering and screaming... I think it was at this point that TK and I realized WE DON'T HAVE A CAMERA. I also had him calling our families and stuff... I remember my phone ringing while I was in the middle of contractions!! He had some of the guys from the radio station bring a camera... and my friend Loni came up too...

It was around this time I got some drugs... but not the ones I wanted. I remember the TV was on and TK was standing next to me... I was trying to be calm and breathe between contractions, but when they came on I would grab the side of the bed and HOWL... It hurts... so they gave me some kind of sedative...

I got woozy... I started to feel like I was slurring and my eyes were rolling into the back of my head... I got sleepy... but the PAIN was still there... I felt like I was going to doze off.... and then POP!

OMG WHAT IS THAT... AHHHHHHHH... SQUIRT.... SQUIRT... OMG I'M PEEING AND I CAN'T STOP AND IT IS SHOOTING OUT OF ME... AND IT HURTS...

TK goes - "That's your water breaking."

Oh, duh. Yeah, of course it was. Stupid me. Seriously, in that moment I didn't even realize what was happening... and then... just as I am telling the nurse MY WATER BROKE... the most agonizing pain EVER... and then I just blurted out...

I NEED TO PUSH!!!!!!!!

It was like this force had taken over my body and it wouldn't stop...

"No, no pushing yet, don't push, not for a while, just remember your breathing..."

OH NO I NEED TO PUSH, I CAN'T HELP IT...

In rushes the cute resident (female, I know- how wrong, but she was so cute!) to check me and she's like - OK we're ready to go... wow, you're at 10... lets go...

NOW? BABY COMING NOW? WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY DRUGS???? EPIDURAL???? WHERE IS THAT SHOT????

Then I hear them tell TK, oh - it's too late, we can't do that now.

NO DRUGS?

No, sorry - no drugs. You're going to have natural childbirth!

The pushing begins. I assume the position. TK grabs one foot, a nurse grabs the other. I'm thirsty. No water. Ice chips? I thought I could have ice chips? We'd rather you didn't.

So I went without ice chips for a little while. They were coaching me. It hurt. I just can't explain it. I'm trying to come up with something... I felt like some kind of monster - seriously, when that baby is ready to come out it's like exorcizing a demon. I probably looked like Linda Blair at that point too....

I was starting to get used to the pain. I was getting it down. At first when you start pushing with the contractions you really have no idea how to push or what to do... They were telling me not to make any noise- like no grunting because then you're not using all your energy to push the baby out... They probably just told me that to shut me up because I WAS SO LOUD... BUT IT HURT AND I HAD NO PAIN RELIEF!!

Anyway I think I'm getting there... they are tellng me what a good job I am doing... and I keep asking "is she almost out?"

Then... MORE INTENSE PAIN. Just when you think you are able to bear the pain, IT GETS WORSE!!

OW OW OW why does it hurt even more????

"The baby is crowning, her head is coming out..."

TK looks down and can see the head... I didn't really want him to look at all that going on down there, but he wanted to. Some guys are fascinated and can stomach it... some can't. Shit, I didn't even look with the mirror at ALL... I wanted no part of that visual.

Then I hear the word "cut"...

NO NO NO DON'T CUT ME, PLEASE, NO NO NO... I'm begging for my life, pleading with them not to cut me, and they're going about their business with the scissors... NO NO NO...

"We have to... otherwise you'll tear and it will be worse...."

They cut me. It pinched. But honestly, at that point, you're in so much pain that the cut doesn't hurt as much as the burning sensation of the baby trying to squeeze through something you can't believe a baby was ever meant to squeeze through. Honestly, would you built a tunnel that only a motorcycle could fit through and then try to drive a mack truck into it? No. What was God thinking?

"Just a few more pushes... ok keep going... very good... she's coming, she's coming... we got her head..."

BABY POPS OUT! Once they have the head, they grab her and pull her out.... they hold her up... she's awesome... The pain goes away. I can't even really explain it... the physical relief and the overwhelming emotional joy... words can't do it.

TK ran over to see her while they did her APGAR and examined her... I looked over and saw her tiny little hand holding his finger... I wish I had a picture of that.

I started bumbling questions... "Is she ok, is she ok?"

"Is Kyla a good name for her?" LOL... what a weird thing to say but that's what I said... I wanted to make sure I had the approval of everyone in the room that I was giving her a good name - she'd be stuck with it for her entire life LOL...

At this point I think a nurse was pushing on my stomach like crazy... afterbirth baby... gotta get that placenta and all that excess blood out... that's something I wasn't expecting... all the extra fluid, blood, junk, gunk, slime, etc... they push on your stomach and it shoots out. GROSS - but nobody told me about this so it caught me off guard!

Then they were stitching me up but the needles prodding me didn't even bother me at that point. They kept trying to numb me - and I just said don't bother LOL...

Then they brought her over to me and I just "gazed upon the wonder of the child" - really, that's what you do. And she was SO TINY... Every little thing about her was tiny. Then they told me I could nurse her... and she knew EXACTLY what to do!!! She opened her little mouth, latched on, and started sucking... it was so amazing. Pure instinct.

We took some pictures and then the doctors took her to the nursery for a more thorough examination - she got a 9.5 on her APGAR so she was fine, just had to do the routine things... then they got me out of bed... A nurse had to take me to the bathroom and peeing HURTS.... then they cleaned me up with a nice bottle of warm water... put on these big enormous granny looking mesh undies and a maxi-pad the size of a pillow... and then I got in the wheelchair and they took me to my room.

TK stayed for most of the night... he wasn't sure if he should take the day off or go on the air... but we knew EVERYONE would be asking about the baby so he decided to go on the air...

Here are a few pictures you've probably haven't seen before of Kyla in the hospital - taken with my camera phone that day... I posted the one of her with TK in the sidebar... but the others I don't think I ever posted...







Kyla Marilyn
March 30, 2004
1:23am
6lb, 9oz, 18in

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Have a super day... It's also my brother's 22nd birthday so we're going out to dinner to celebrate his birthday tonight!

:)

D