15 minutes.

That's how long I have been sitting here, fingers poised over the keyboard, racking my brain trying to think of an appropriate subject for this morning's post. Well, I couldn't think of one - so there it is - 15 minutes.

15 minutes - that's how long it is now taking me to get my contact lenses in. They are a pain in the arse. I can see so much better with them in - obviously - but getting them in is so stressful. That big finger going right for my eyeball... and then it stings a little... and I just have to bear the pain... I just keep telling myself "once this is in, you'll be able to see..." I have always watched people do their contacts, I've dated guys with contacts and seen them pop them in and out 100 times... but I just can't get the hang of it!! I think it might be because I have small eyes so I have to pull my eyelids off my face in order to pop the freaking thing in... but it's still a pain.

15 minutes - that's about how long it takes Kyla to fall asleep at night. Naptime is a different story. She's wailing right now but we've been up since 8:30 crawling around and mommy needs a little break!!

OK so anyway.

I went to dinner with my dad last night. We ate at Bertucci's - YUM. I don't think they have Bertucci's anywhere else, but it's good. Italian - of course. I got Chicken, Broccoli, Ziti - without the icky broccoli. The sauce and chicken and pasta - yum. It is always weird ordering that dish "without the broccoli"... It's like hamburger, no ham... or something. But it was yum. I got the wine sauce instead of the cheese sauce...

Speaking of food, eating, weight... I seriously think I have lost weight!!! When I was in Columbia I just ate ate ate... ate late at night... ate all day... ate junk... here I have breakfast, lunch, dinner around 6, maybe 7... and that's it. I might have a cracker or hot chocolate or something, but I really feel lighter and I look more like I used to.

I've been thinking I really want to go back to being blonde!!! I know - I was blonde for so long and all I could talk about 6 months ago was wanting to go back to brown... but when I look at pictures of myself as a blonde I just think I looked so much better!! I keep feeling like my appearance went to crap after having Kyla, but I don't think I looked that bad until I stopped working, started pigging out, changed my hair, and got depressed LOL. I'm also thinking maybe I'll do something crazy with my hair, like put some pink streaks in it too - just for fun. I need a change!!

OK so can anyone recommend any good fun chick flicks? I can't get into ANY TV shows lately... I just can't. American Idol - booooooring... I can't watch any of the CSI or ER types. They are too dramatic and depressing. If I watch CSI and someone gets mutilated, I worry that it could happen to me... if someone has some freaky illness on ER, I worry that it could happen to me. Those shows don't sit well with me. There's no good sitcoms. Someone needs to make a new show like Friends or Seinfeld that is just FUN. Joey sucks. Hope & Faith SUCKS. I did watch a movie the other night and it was a good escape for me. For a while I didn't watch movies at home because I'd fall asleep anyway, but now I think watching some good movies would be cool. So let me know what you've seen.

OH - and you'll have to email me. I decided to just block anyone from commenting on this blog. Really, even the members of this blog have said stuff that doesn't sit well with me... so I'm just over the public commentary. If you have something to say, by all means email me... but I'm done making this a free for all. I say enough stuff I shouldn't say, I don't need other people doing it too LOL.

Oh, and as for the ADD thing... I've been doing a LOT of reading about Adult ADD, ADHD, etc. and I am not sure if I really have ADD or if I'm just lazy LOL... but I do know someone else in my life has SEVERE out of control ADHD and as I was reading about it I realized "THIS IS MY LIFE"... I had no idea ADHD was such an all-encompassing, destructive, horrible problem... so now we'll see what is done with that knowledge. At least I know I really am not to blame... and that other people have gone through it too.

I also find comfort in having an answer to the "WHY?" that I've been asking for so long. Not an excuse by any means, but at least some explanation. I know when I went through a serious depression after my mom passed away a lot of people - including my boyfriend at the time who dumped me on top of all I was feeling - did not understand and just thought I was WEAK, dwelling on things, crazy, etc... and now I know that mental illness and chemical imbalances in the brain are very real... and that they can be treated.

Anyway, I think that's about it for now. I am going to update the dirt IF I CAN GET THE PAGE TO OPEN... The blogger has been running really slow today - it's driving me insane.

:)

Dana