it's all about the shoes...

OMG how cute are THESE??? I just bought them.

I really need to go out and just have some fun... so my dad and stepmom gave me some money to get some clothes. Plus, if by some miracle I get to go on a job interview in the near future, I'll need stuff to wear.

Seriously, I love these shoes. They are so not practical - but they were FREE. Well, kinda. Steve Madden had a buy one get one free sale... so I picked out a pair of cute black heel boots (all I brought with me from Columbia were my red ugg clogs and sneakers!!) and then found out I could get something FREE!! So I went for the cutest pair of shoes on the rack.

I've never been a big shoe girl either. I always just liked getting actual clothes - shirts and pants with basic shoes... but now I'm kind of wanting to go the other way. Basic clothes with fun accessories!!!

I ended up getting a pair of jeans and a pink shirt at express. The shirt is like bright pink, short sleeves, wide v-neck with a sequin thing in the middle... it's cute... but it's really too cold to wear, and the material is really thin and I still have a LITTLE pudge on me... I really want to take it back and get this bright pink hoodie and put that with a white tank, this ADORABLE sheer sequin scarf I saw, and a cute hat I saw. I love hats. I think that would be WAY cuter than the other shirt. We'll see. It's been SO LONG since I shopped for myself!!

NOW - I know it's like - why are you going shopping when you have bills? But honestly, I am working on getting a handle on my bills - and it has been SO LONG since I've just been able to go out and be ME.

We were talking over dinner last night and my dad and stepmom were like - we want you to get out, go have fun, go see your friends... but I honestly just couldn't go because I had NOTHING appropriate to wear out in Boston. Who wants to go out to bars where everyone is all dolled up - and I'd be in Old Navy jeans and sneakers? Just not going to happen. Especially not in this city...

So I went shopping... and I did a lot of thinking in the car too... turned the radio up really loud for a change and listened to some new songs I like, listened to the DJ's in Boston - here where it all started for me - and just kind of relaxed with my thoughts.


Right now, my life is about figuring out a balance. Getting back to being ME, because I really did lose myself in all I've been through. Just being home, driving past familiar places, getting together with old friends. It's very comforting. I have a sense of security right now I haven't felt in a long time. Real hope - like, I have no job, no money, etc... but things will be fine. I'll figure it out. I've been through rough times before and I've always managed to get back on my feet. I've loved and lost before and managed to heal and move forward.

I also know I'm getting over the GUILT that goes along with being a mom... I could have gone out here and there when I still lived in Tampa, but I felt guilty. I didn't want to leave Kyla for a night... I felt like if I was going out to do something for me that I was abandoning her. Now I realize it's OK. It will be GOOD for me. I need to be my own person as well as being her mother.

Anyway, today was a good day. I handled another situation that pissed me off in a positive way. I didn't go off... I handled it nicely, and it worked out well. I won't say what it was at all... but I stopped myself from being a bitch and was really nice and positive about it instead - and it worked!!

I also realized I have a TRUE friend in someone I've known for a while... not that I ever doubted the friendship, but it's such a great feeling when people you know really reach out and offer support...

Going to do some dirt now :)

D