BURN YOUR COSMO!!!
OMG... I am NEVER READING COSMO AGAIN!
I will be honest, I don't pick up Cosmo very often... It's a pretty obnoxious magazine to begin with - which is why I don't usually read it - but last night I figured I'd see if there was anything in there to use on the show...
What I discovered is that Cosmo is the most DEPRESSING thing a girl could read.
The issue in question is "The Hot Issue" with Kate Hudson on the cover... The article about Kate Hudson is about the only thing I enjoyed reading.
Basically, this issue reveals two very harsh, basic truths about men, women, and relationships.
1. The woman must constantly be improving her personality, appearance, self, and sexual techniques in order to please a man.
2. No matter how good she gets at said techniques, HE WILL STILL CHEAT ON HER!
*******
Page 68: How to WOW him after your first sexual encounter.
1. Woman must get her ass out of bed before the man wakes up and "freshen" herself because he doesn't find dragon breath or bed head or smeared mascara attractive.
2. Woman must feed her man - and run out for bagels because he won't have anything in the house - because he'll be famished after banging her all night long.
3. Get the F out of his place after breakfast because he doesn't want to hang out with your smelly ass all day... Cosmo does say you are allowed to ask him for a ride though - isn't that nice?
4. Tell him you had fun. Yup, make sure you stroke his ego even more after he used you for sex all night.
Page 111: How to get your man to "Chill With You"
All I can say is that if you're with a guy who doesn't willingly hang out with you, he's not a guy you should be with. If you require Cosmo's tips on how to get him to chill with you, he probably doesn't really want to chill with you anyway.
In a nutshell, Cosmo says you need to "talk in sexy code", "give him a time frame" so he doesn't think he's stuck chilling with you ALL DAY because that would just be awful for him, and of course there's the do things that HE wants to do because why on earth would a man do something that YOU enjoy?
Page 113-115: How to be the Best Sex He's Ever Had!
Not a bad article, really. They polled 5000 men about sex, what they find sexy, what turns them on, turns them off, what part of their body needs more attention - their BALLS OF COURSE - and how to act after the fact...
3 full pages of percentages and quotes from men... all designed so that women can please them longer, better, faster, more often, etc...
Then we come to this...
Page 176-179: The Naughty Secrets He's Keeping From You
This is all about men and how they cheat, lie, think about other women while they are with you, had STD's, and pick up hookers.
Seriously... after you just read all about how to "behave" after you first sleep with a guy, read all the ways you need to dress to please him, and make a mental note to give certain icky parts of his body more attention next time... Cosmo lets you know that he's still a lying cheating pig!!!!!
"I have a rule. If I cheat, it's gotta be intercourse. Anything short of that isn't worth the risk."
"On those rare cases when I've cheated, I've planned it as carefully as a bank heist. I know when she's going to be out of town, I've established an airtight alibi, I've chosen a location where no one knows my face, and so on. I haven't been nabbed yet."
"When I was really little I used to masturbate by rubbing our cat's fur over my penis..."
******
On that note, I'm done.
Cosmo sucks. Good thing I picked up a fat ice cream sandwich and some Smartfood to chow down on while reading.
:)
D
Posted with love by D*ana @ 1:13 PM
7 Comments:
That is CRAZY!!!!!
I use to read Cosmo a long time ago before I got married actually.
erica- I agree with you--
Marie Claire is alot better & even Glamour too..
OK silly question, what is Smartfood?
I haven't read cosmo in years because I just think it concentrates to much on how to please a man, keep a man, get a man interested. I would rather read a magazine that encourages women to empower themselves and make themselves happy rather than worrying about a man. Why are women always so eager to please men when a lot will cheat at some point given the right opportunity anyway. I am sure that the only advice in how to make women happy in magazines for men such as Maxim, and FHM involve keeping her happy in the sack. Men are in love with their penis. I am sorry for going off on a tangent (sp?) I just really get aggrevated with men. I really haven't been cheated on, that I know of, it's just I see it going on all the time and it's so dissapointing. It's really hard to trust a man.
Okay, I know you dont like this but there is a blog on your MySpace that I sooo curious about!! What is this about being stuck in a shirt you cant get out of? It sounds hilarious!! (not in a laughing at your pain kind of way, though, I promise!)
Yeah I picked up the latest Cosmo the other day and it pissed me off. I feel the same way about the article on the guys cheating and how they get away with it and crap. I definitely prefer Glamour to that trash.
Um.... ewww. I haven't read Cosmo in about 15 years to be honest. I'm glad I haven't missed a thing. That's just beyond horrible and trashy. Yeah, women need to change, change, change and then be prepared that he'll cheat anyway. What the hell ever!
Oooh, you're SASSY!
Loved your review!
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