f*ck santa

Getting a kid's picture taken with Santa Claus has to be one of the least fun activities ever.

It isn't that I don't love the excitement she'll feel next year or the year after that when she knows she's going to sit on the lap of the dirty fat old man who is going to bring her presents I can't afford because he's been looking down on her from somewhere up in the North Pole and she's been a good girl. No, it isn't that at all.

It's the MOTHER F*CKING line I have to wait in at the mall in order to get her picture taken to have memories of the joyous events.

Then in about 8 or 9 years she'll know the dudes a phony and I subjected my kid to the lap of a dirty old fat man for nothing.

Anyway, where I'm going with this is - the mall in my area - and probably the one in yours - needs to come up with a far more efficient way to run the Picture with Jolly Old Saint Fat Man line.

My friend Jen and I took our daughters on Thursday afternoon. We're thinking we're smart mommies taking the kids during the day on a weekday while the line isn't too long.

The line wasn't even that long. The problem was, even at about 20 people deep, the line didn't frigging move.

So Kyla takes off running and I decide to just follow her to the other size of the oversized snow globe and find out what the freak is going on with the line.

I approach the little roped off Santa area... and realized... what what to my wondering eyes should appear...

But a frigging 4 year old boy standing in front of Santa with a nig big fat piece of construction paper READING HIS LIST TO SANTA WHILE HIS DOTING MOTHER HELPS HIM GET THROUGH THE LIST.

I kid you not. This was no "sit on Santa's lap and tell him what you want in 30 seconds or less while we snap your picture and make our $29.99".

I didn't even know what to say. I was furious. Well, not furious, more like annoyed and disturbed.

I guess maybe because I've been to so many "move it along" meet & greets with celebrities I am used to a fast-moving line and you get your 30 seconds to shake hands, get a quick autograph, say hi, and walk away.

This is how they need to run the Santa Claus thing.

Needless to say, we didn't get our pictures done with Santa. I was turning red just thinking about this kid reading his letter, and he was probably only on item two trying to put his "Hooked on Phonix" skills in action...

Kyla isn't old enough to even know what was going on, she was just pissed that I made her get in her stroller so I could wheel her into Baby Gap and look at all the clothes I can't afford for her this year.

But my friend's daughter was upset, she's 3.

So I went on the air - of course - and bitched about it, twice. Once at 7 when I first went on the air... without mentioning the name of the mall because I've learned over the course of my "career" not to name names.... and then again at 10 when we started The Girly Spot.

Then I realized. This was one of the things I used to vent about in my own little way here on the public MILF Diaries... I want to start doing this one again and not make people sign up for it... but not post much private stuff at all. That way there's really no room for nastiness because really, I hate the mean comments I get.

I just like to write and I like people to relate to or enjoy what I write. Sometimes I spell things wrong, make typos, or grammatically incorrect sentences. But for the most part I think I am a pretty good writer and I'm going to start doing more of it.

I got bitten by a bird today. More on that later.