Put on a tunic and look wicked cute.

Anyone else bothered by this?

My Blog is a Jane Doe.

I am racking my brain trying to come up with a name for my blog. Here is some feedback I've gotten about my decision to change the name of this blog, formerly known as The MILF Diaries...

"It sucks you had to change the name of your blog. Someday I hope I will be a MILF too." - A close friend who shall remain nameless

"I love your blog and I love the dirt page it is like a nightly ritual LOL... I say do what you want and do what makes you happy... The haters can shove it up their arse!!" - RJ, Tampa, FL

"MILF Diaries or no MILF Diaries YOU are still a MILF!!!" - Another friend who must remain anonymous

Y'all must be like WTF with the anonymous comments... but I got IM's from people almost immediately after I took the graphic down and I sometimes feel weird posting the names of people I actually know... there's this weird thing about it to me.

So yeah, I miss my MILF graphic but I'm going to use the same artwork, just with a different title and minus the BRA when I think of the new name... It isn't so much about what "other people" in general think, it's really about the family aspect of the blog and that it's not just a place for my writing but also a place where people look at pictures of Kyla and the whole MILF thing just doesn't sit well with me when it comes to that.

I suppose I COULD start another blog but that would be ridiculous. I'm about to have more blogs than pairs of underwear!!

So a friend of mine just got an AMAZING job. AMAZING. I am really proud of her and am really happy to know that I helped her along the way... It's great to have someone say "thank you for taking me under your wing" and realize you contributed to someone else meeting their goals because you took the time and believed in them... She's worked incredibly hard, put in the time, LIVED for the radio station, been persistent, and made all the right moves... It's just really cool and inspiring.

Trust me, I personally need some inspiration right now LOL... I don't think I need to get into it any more than that on this blog.

So Mother's Day is next weekend. It's kinda weid actually BEING a Mom on Mother's Day. Last year was my first mother's day and I woke up to breakfast courtesy of Cafe Dufrain on the patio!!! It was really really sweet. My stepmom is a preschool teacher and she was telling me the other day about all the cute things the kids were making for their mommies... It will be so fun when Kyla can make those things for me. I actually have to work Mother's Day this year which is just as well - she's not old enough to know the difference anyway LOL.

I should go. I had a conversation earlier that I've been thinking about. Not good, but not bad. Just something.

Damn I am craving the rest of my Papa Gino's pizza but 1am WAY TOO LATE to pig out!!!

:)

D

I've Been Through the Desert on a Journal With No Name...

Lala la la lalalalaaaaa la la la la lah.

Anyway, yes. I changed the name of the blog... Well, it's now the Blog Formerly Known as The Milf Diaries until I come upwith something else suitable.

Honestly, I am changing it for a few reasons, not one of them being that 16 year old little girl who made fun of it LOL... anyone who read that blog and had a good laugh with me about it knows what I am referring to. People have this love/hate thing with me, it's a little frightening.

OK, so why I changed it. A few people have - not so nicely of course - brought up the fact that regardless of whether or not it was a "private joke" between me and a friend, the term MILF, to some people, has very negative connotations and that it basically would appear to people who DON'T KNOW IT'S A JOKE, that I really am just saying "Yo, I'm a mom and I like to f***"... I might as well call it "I'm a Mommy and a Slut" or something.

Now, while I DO think it's funny... I have to consider that there are people out there who really will see it and be put off... because they don't know me and don't know I say things like that for the fun of it and for the "audience" who "gets it"... but not everyone gets it.

Also I've taken into consideration - and not because anyone pointed it out to me but because its been an ongoing thought from the beginning - that my family/Kyla's family reads this... and come here to look at pictures of her... and I'd really not like anyone in my family to have to explain to someone else what a MILF is. It is what it is...

I guess think of it this way... When I was in high school we had this retreat, and like teenage girls do, we were goofing off and this one chick wrote ANUS on her forehead using lipstick. We took pictures of it... it was funny... we all got a huge laugh about it... but that's not the type of picture you'd put in the yearbook or in a family photo album or hang in your office when you get out into the working world. It was a joke amongst friends, but you wouldn't want someone's first impression of you to be "I WROTE ANUS ON MY FOREHEAD"... It's just not appropriate.

Maybe that's not the BEST analogy, but I wanted to share the story because I thought of it earlier and it's funny.

It ended up being called the Milf Diaries because I was joking with a friend who suggested I start the "Milf Radio Network"... It was an IM conversation between me and a good friend - and it was a joke. Then I said I needed a name for my blog so why not call it the Milf Diaries...

I guess it was one of those things that should have stayed a private joke because not everyone who looks at this would understand it, and in all seriousness, the term does mean Mom I'd Like to F*** and there are certain people who probably don't appreciate that.

I just took a step back and looked at it from the perspective of others and decided to consider the fact that MANY people read this and it isn't worth it.

So that's that. The brainstorm is on for a new journal name that does not involve the word "random" LOL.

More to come... I just ate 4 pieces of Papa Gino's Pizza... I gotta get the pictures of Marc Anthony's "Jennifer" tattoo up on the dirt site and then I will be back!!

:-)

D

What's up FISH FACE??

How cute is this... Last night we're sitting at the dinner table making Kyla do her "tricks" - you know like patty cake, wave bye bye (which I think she kinda knows now doesn't make sense unless someone is actually leaving), blow kisses, etc... Then my dad makes a fish face just to goof off... not really thinking Kyla's going to do it back... and she kinda smiled, and next thing we know SHE IS DOING THE FISH FACE!!!

Sucking in those chubby cheeks with her little lips all kissy like a fish IT WAS HYSTERICAL.

She is also ready to answer the phone. As soon as she can WALK to it I'm sure she'll be trying to answer it... she's already saying "hello" every time it rings!! It's more of like a "harr-oh" but it's close enough, and happens in response to ringing, so it's gotta be HELLO. She's going to be a talk-a-holic just like her mommy!!!

What up with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes? Seriously... she's got to be SUPER intimidated... you know she used to have posters of him on her bedroom wall. I remember when I met Jordan Knight and I felt SO WEIRD knowing that I used to wear a big huge PIN on my jean jacket with his face on it... it's gotta be like that for Katie with Tom. She's cute - I actually do like her - but she is NOT on the level of Penelope Cruz or Nicole Kidman in the whole Hollywood Scene... it's kind of like the college senior dating a hot high school freshman... Just plain weird. What can they possibly talk about? Is he like - oh I loved your topless scene in that movie where you are dead and topless and bound with seaweed??? Yeah, I can't remember the name of it but the pictures of her big boobies from that movie are resurfacing all over the place.

Angelina Jolie must be like THANK YOU TOM AND KATIE!!!

Yeah, speaking of Angelina, I had no idea her fans were so psycho. People got NASTY about defending her on the dirt blog. Chill!!!

Speaking of psychos... did you see Oprah today? She had that woman on who ran over her husband and killed him after she found out he was cheating.... Such a sad story. Nobody should die that way, but this man ruined her life by being a cheating a-hole... She claims it was an accident, but I don't think it was. It's a tough one because you know she must have just been filled with rage and out of her mind... and rightfully so... but yeah, running over someone, that's crazy. I just felt bad for her while watching it, but then Oprah read the letter his daughter sent in, saying how she KNEW she was going to hit him, and you just know it was malicious.

Anyway, that show creeped me out. This woman had a perfectly good life for all these years, he cheats like a douchebag, and then ends up dead, she's in jail, her boys basically lost BOTH their parents, etc... UGH.

Then I go to Dr. Phil for more fun-filled dysfunction... and I thought I had problems. He's got this MANIPULATIVE ASS who has a wife, and a girlfriend, who just happens to be the former best friend of his wife... and she's married... and they BOTH got pregnant by this guy and had their babies 24 days apart!!! And they BOTH WANT HIM!!!

I really think they belonged on Oprah yesterday - she had the dude who wrote "He's Just Not That Into You" on... and basically all he did was confirm for women in the audience what they already knew - he's just not that into you.

The key word being "THAT"... like, he's kinda into you, when it's convenient, when he doesn't have anyone else, but he isn't going to commit and he doesn't LOVE you he just says he does... That kind of stuff. One guy in the audience said the book made him have to change his game... but that he also learned how to get OUT OF situations by hinting around to things instead of actually having to say them!!

Relationships - yuck.

Did you know that Coach makes iPod cases? They are so cute. Not that I can afford Coach, but I just find it really cute that they make little leather cases for iPods.



I tend not to flip out of things that I can't purchase LOL... but I like that and since iPods are the hip thing I thought I would share. Next there will be Coach cases for your dog's iPod that plays bird chirping noises or something.

It's funny how having a baby... and then having no job... will very quickly make one (well, me) realize how many stupid things I wasted money on... Not that I ever made like HUGE impuls purchases - I never spend more than $75 on a pair of shoes, I never was one to buy tons of purses or jewelry, don't do expensive makeup... but I just bought CLOTHES, like a different outfit for every night of the week for a while... and eating out... and tipping like $40 because I drank for free... or taking a day trip to Orlando and dropping $200 like it was nothing...

Anyway, I'll get off that subject because it's starting to irritate me LOL...

Oh no, Kyla is awake. It's midnight. She has done this 3 nights in a row now. I don't get it. I don't want to pick her up because then she gets in the habit of knowing she can cry and get her way in the middle of the night... but she keeps everyone awake!!

OK I should go anyway. Remember to tell your friends about the dirt site!!!

:)

D

Kyla loves her Little People House!

She was trying to put her feet in my big shoes!

Sorry for the lack of updates...

I have been doing other stuff and focusing on the DIRT page... Especially since I GOT LINKED FROM USA TODAY ONLINE yesterday!!!

Yes... www.usatoday.com - as in the major nationwide newspaper - in their Life section they have a column called "Hip Clicks" and they linked to me!!! I got TONS AND TONS of hits... I need people to keep coming back. I want to get advertisers and really make some money off the site but it won't happen until I have 10,000 visitors a day... I'm about HALF way there...

So if you like the dirt site, tell a friend :)

I also have noticed "Paramount Pictures" in LA on my webstats... and a friend told me she found out through a PR person she knows that some CELEBRITIES look at my site. CRAZY!!! I won't say who they are or anything... but I was pretty shocked. I didn't believe it until I saw the Paramount Pictures thing and then I was like... hmmm... maybe they are looking!!

Anyway, Kyla is fussing. I have several little tidbits to write about but I've been too tired once she goes to bed, after doing the dirt, to write.

I know you miss me ;)

D

Cling cling cling.

OK, so I know what the cure for STATIC CLING IS - some Bounce.

But what about the cure for KID CLING???

My daughter will not sit by herself content for two seconds the last few days. I am sitting here with my eyes drooping out of my head... usually we play, then she plays on her own while I do other things or pick up or whatever... then we play together more... but lately I can't put her down!!!

ALL DAY she would just crawl over to me fussing to be held... I pick her up, she's fine. Chill for a minute, put her down, she cries. Even when I'm sitting with her to play, or going to read her a story, or WHATEVER, she just fusses!!!

Is this normal? I'm thinking... who every said the "terrible 1's"!!!

Anyway, I'm so freaking tired I can't really muster up a good post - but the poop one was enough for a while LOL...

I'm going to sleep.

D

Whites, Darks, Pinks.

That's how I sort my laundry. I love pink, and I have a little girl... so laundry is no longer about whites and darks... there's pinks. There has to be. You can usually wash yellows with whites, blues with darks, etc... but when you have this much pink - bright and light - you have to do a whole separate load of pinks. I know I am not the only one who does this, but just thought I'd share.

I had some other stuff to write about but I am exhausted. Today was a LONG day the Poopie story was not even the half of it.

I need some good sleep... and I have to clean up the bedroom before I can even crawl into bed.

:)

D

~A Baby Poop Story~

OK, based on the title and the photograph, I don't think I need to issue a WARNING about this post, but I will anyway just to make sure. I don't think I've ever posted a sh*t story - and believe me there have been plenty of them - but this one is too good not to share... and since I'm doing it, I might as well go all out and be graphic... so consider yourself warned.

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

Kyla and I went to Old Navy after her doctor's appointment this morning. I'm browsing around the baby clothes and all of a sudden I hear this "ppppffffffttttttt"... I look down at her sitting in the stroller...

She's leaned forward, and to my HORROR I see BOILING MUSTARD SPEWING OUT OF HER DIAPER AND UP HER BACK!!!!!!! It was BUBBLING... and it was gross... and it was EVERYWHERE. My immediate thought is to BOOK IT out of the store... but then what???

I can't just put her in the car seat and take off... that would make for a STINKY ride home, not to mention the poogoo is already all over her, and will end up all over me, all over the car seat, and it's already seeping into the stroller seat...

So I run to the bathroom - and frantically start grabbing toilet paper to wipe off her back and the stroller... I at least had to contain what I could at that point while I collected my thoughts and considered the best plan of action.

I knew I didn't have a spare outfit... and I knew that taking the outfit that had poop all over it off, changing the diaper, and then putting the crappy outfit back on again was completely gross and out of the question... trying to prevent all that messy mustard from getting all over everything else would have been impossible.

Well, we're IN the clothing store... so as long as I clean up the mess enough to prevent further leakage, we're good. I had to be quick though, because I didn't want anyone to smell the diaper or end up having her lean forward to allow for more to spew out.

On top of that, there would be nothing more mortifying than to have another person browsing through the store and bear witness to my child's ass lava all over the back of the stroller... and even worse than that - the fact that I seemed to be casually perusing the clothing selection instead of cleaning it up.

I was PACING through the baby girl section... I didn't know what to get her... it was cold outside, but I didn't want to get her some warm thing since she's got plenty of warm clothes and needs things for spring... I went through a TON of stuff, pacing, pacing, pushing her back in her seat every time she leaned forward, but luckily only occassionally getting a wiff...

I couldn't decide. I was starting to turn red and my head was starting to throb. I wouldn't be surprised if at some point I started talking to myself, but I don't remember.

I'd grab a little shirt... and then couldn't find pants... or a pair of little pants, but no shirt... I really wasn't trying to make a huge deal out of picking an outfit, but the pressure was killing me!! I wasn't just going to grab anything to change her into, it had to be something I liked and she's get wear out of.. and I also didn't have much money so I had to worry about that too!

Finally I picked up some pink capri pants and a little tee-shirt. It was chilly out but the car was parked close enough and I could just blast the heat for her on the ride home. I just had to pick something, pay, scoot BACK to the bathroom, and then get the hell out of there.

Long check out line, of course, as is always the case at Old Navy... and the whole time I'm just PRAYING that the people around me don't see the poop and don't smell it either.

SHIT HAPPENS, but when it happens to you and your baby in public you feel like the whole world knows there's some nastiness going on and WHY ARE YOU SHOPPING INSTEAD OF CLEANING IT UP... if only they knew I had a plan.

I paid for my stuff then took off for the ladies room. And you know people must be thinking, why isn't she walking out the door why is she going back into the store... but you just have to say "who cares what they think who cares what they think" over and over again.

THEN... as if the whole shit everywhere debacle isn't enough, Kyla screeched the ENTIRE time I was trying to change her!! I had to do that thing where you very carefully try to remove the clothes and get as little shit as possible on yourself or on the baby... especially not on the face or hands because once it's on the hands its in the mouth, etc... I didn't have nearly enough wipes, so I had to wet paper towels like a madwoman, and put a bunch down on the changing table too.

She was squirming and screaming so bad I didn't know what to do. To make matters worse, we'd just come from the doctor's office where she had the trauma of being laid down on a cold table and poked and prodded, so to be doing it to her again in the Old Navy conctrete bathroom wasn't going to fly...

I managed to get the clothes off, then the diaper off, then she almost got her HEAD IN THE DIAPER but I wacked it out of the way (the diaper, not her head) and it ended up on the FLOOR... but I had to just focus on controlling her and getting her cleaned up and not worry about the stuff on the floor.

Two things were going through my mind...

1. Do not let her squirm out of my arms - she was CRAZY PISSED OFF.
2. Do not let ANYONE come into this bathroom right now and see the INSANITY that is going on.

Seriously, there's wet paper towels everywhere, a shit stained stroller, a yellowed mustardy poopy diaper on the floor, poop stained clothes resting on top of the trash barrel, and a FLAILING ANGRY NAKED CHILD in my arms. Fun times.

I managed to get the diaper under her bum, but she wouldn't stay still enough for me to get it on her, so I had to put the diaper up against my hip, then hold her on top of it and attach the sides while HOLDLING HER... then I put the new shirt on while holding her, and somehow got her pants on while holding her too...

Then I had to clean up the stroller, fold the poopy clothes so that the poop part was tucked into the other part of the clothes, pick up the dirty diaper, wipe down the changing table...

I wanted to ask for a plastic bag for the dirty clothes, but said SCREW IT. I just wanted to get the hell out of that store... especially since I'm sure people waiting outside the bathroom/dressing room (they are right next to each other) heard the commotion...

I put the dirty baby clothes in the wet stroller, grabbed my bag, baby in the other hand, and just DARTED OUT of that store.

It was the WORST poop incident on record with this child LOL.

I feel like

right now for sharing... only she would have called it doodie.

Anyway, now that I've sufficiently grossed you out, on to other things... but I'll put them in a different post just so the people who opted out of this one won't miss anything.

:)

D

Is that better?

I messed with some settings and somehow different browsers read the CSS code differently and when I changed one little thing it screwed up and made the ENTIRE page black for people with Firefox, so I aplogize... I didn't know bc I have IE.

Anyway, I made it gray for now so at least you SHOULD be able to see the text... because I have a doozie of a post from the other day LOL...

I got a FUNNY Mommy story to tell later... and TWO road rage incidents (I was not the rager believe it or not) too... but Kyla needs me - she doesn't feel good. She's fine, just tummy ache, and we were out all morning... She had her nap in the car which means no computer time for me. Plus, I have laundry to do.

I'll be back later PEACE OUT!!

:)

D

SOMEBODY TOOK HER FIRST STEPS TODAY!!!!

YES!!! FINALLY... Kyla took her first steps tonight!!!

My best friend came over around 7... we were hanging out in the livingroom, sitting on the floor by the coffee table playing with Kyla... all of a sudden she just LET GO OF THE TABLE and TOOK TWO STEPS to me all by herself!!! My friend and I just looked at each other and were like "wwwwwwooooooooowww!!!!" Then she did it again!!!

Then we brought her upstairs to the bedroom to get her ready for sleepin' time, and we sat a few feet across from each other and had her walk back and forth... she stumbled a lot of course, but she'd get a good 2 or 3 steps in without support...

NEEDLESS TO SAY I AM SUPER DUPER PROUD MOMMY TONIGHT!!! She is 1 year and 3 weeks...

THE CHASE WILL SOON BE ON!!!

***

So other than that excitement... today my dad and I went to lunch at Boston Market - did you know they have ZITI BAKE as a side now???? They never did before, to my knowledge anyway. It wasn't that great, I'll stick with the mac & cheese... which really isn't MAC its more like ROTINI & Cheese but whatever. The chicken is super and that's what they're there for.

Then we went to the bookstore and I got a book on CSS code so I can make my blogs kick all kinds of ass. I have the sweet graphic... now I just need to change the layout around... that's a project for another night though... I'm POOOOOPED and Kyla needs to go to the doctor in the morning so I have to get some sleep.

So excited Britney came out of hiding. It's so sad that I actually missed her.

;)

D