pretty blog, pretty blog...

Pretty blog, pretty blog... (Sung to the tune of that little blind kid in Dumb and Dumber stroking the dead bird and saying "pretty bird, pretty bird"...)

Anyway, what do you think now? I got a few emails from people saying they couldn't read some of the text so I put it back to the original parameters... I wanted it to not be so jumbled so I made the screen wider, but on some browsers it doesn't work right... Please let me know if anything looks funky to you!

Big thank you to Riggs for making the graphic... I love it so much I just leave the blog window open all the time. I have to say it's one of the finest blog graphics I've seen. I saw it and I was like HOLY CRAP YEEEEESSSSSSS!!!

I mean, you know how when you ask someone to do something creative for you 99% of the time it's not what you were looking for or you just don't dig it... I just love this. Riggs is probably like "it's just a graphic" but since I have NO experience at making graphics whatsoever and getting one has been a challenge, I'm excited. There's something cool and official about having your own graphic... and having it be super fun, funny, pretty, and perfect just makes it rule. I bet if Paris Hilton saw my graphic she would say "that's hot."

You think I'm pumped now, wait until I am morphed into cartoon form!!!

Anyway, as for the rest of the blog... I did some SERIOUS trial and error to get it to look like this... This template WAS the pink one like the Dirt blog... I had to change a ton of stuff - but now I know some CSS... I still have some things I want to try too, but it's getting late.

I am not sure how I feel about all the pictures in the sidebar... what I want to do is frame them all with pretty colors and designs and make them all black and white, but I'm not sure how to do that... I'm learning!!

We watched Toy Story tonight. I love Woody & Buzz... I can't wait for Toy Story 3... it will DEFINITELY be the first movie I take Kyla to!!


________________________________

I think I spend so much time blogging and working on this site out of pure boredom and escapism... Is escapism a word?

It is now.

I feel a rant coming on... Well, not so much a rant... but just some "dealing delicately" with some issues. I try not to be purposely vague when posting because I think you can read anything into anything and it just causes problems... So I'll try to be as to the point as possible without being blatent. Does that make sense?

I have been VERY stressed. Like, getting chest pains again, feeling sick to my stomach, very jumpy, lump in my throat... I've managed to talk myself out of several panic attacks the last few days, including one earlier where I walked into a mostly dark room and really thought I couldn't see out of my right eye!! My head started SPINNING... then I turned the light on and it was OK.

I am sick of talking about my "problems"... With my friends, I am the one who always has an "OMG YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS SHIT..." and "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO NOW..." I'm always the one needing the shoulder to cry on and I just really don't want to be that person anymore. The relationship I was in caused a lot of it for a long time... so I finally did what I should have done a long time ago and left... but I'd put so much of myself into it that I walked away with a lot less than I started with and now I have to fight my way back.

Everyone keeps telling me not to dwell on the mistakes of the past... because I left in order to put it behind me and start fresh... but I also have this feeling there are some people who look at me and think "you idiot, you did this to yourself, you deserve everything you get, nobody wants to help you because it's your fault..." I really get that feeling a LOT and I try to fend it off but sometimes it's so apparent you can't ignore it anymore. It becomes crippling... as if you don't beat yourself up enough, you need to know there's someone sitting there laughing at you.

Some people are so supportive, compassionate, understanding, some people have even said the ADMIRE me and GIVE ME CREDIT for doing what I did... it is definitely not easy to do what I did - walk away with no money in your pocket... but it was something that - without getting into detail - had to be done.

It has been a while since I let some stuff out... so why not do it... I have to say that going through all of this, sadly, has made me see why a lot of people in my situation, or worse situations, don't leave.

It's humiliating enough to be in a bad relationship with someone, but it's even harder to leave with nothing and feel stripped of your adulthood... No matter what you've accomplished, no matter how hard-working you were, no matter how many things you did well or did right, none of it matters when you are in "survival" mode.

Oh, and by "survival" mode - I don't mean near death... but rather casting things like material possessions, your own place to live, and really - your dignity - aside and asking for help... Once you do that, once you do that thing that everyone says you should do and nobody can understand why you haven't done it... once you do it, you realize why you didn't want to. Because not only do you walk away knowing the other person goes on as if nothing ever happened, but you have to pick up the pieces of your own life, AND know that everyone around you either pities you or just thinks you're an idiot. I guess for a lot of people it's better to suffer and feel crappy in private with one person coming down on you than it is to face the humiliation of letting everyone else know you failed.

Then I just wonder... why me? Or - why not me? Why do my friends and relatives my age have someone and I don't... For a time I thought maybe I was just a psycho b*tch who no guy would tolerate... but I can assure you my friends have thrown some serious fits and their men still love them. Why did I get what I got? I won't say any more than that. Just know that words are easily written...

Do I just have a complex or are my feelings based in at least some sort of truth?

There's also a lot of stuff that is just plain wrong with certain situations. How did I go into something(s) with such an open heart and so much hope and joy and energy and life... and end up with nothing but unanswered questions and the knowledge that it was all a big lie?

I am not just talking about one situation either... there are many things about the last several years that I question.

I was browsing through my old online life... yes, a lot of things still live out there in cyberspace... kind of like a photo album in the basement you can take out and look at once in a while... and I just drive myself crazy wondering how it all went down this way... I feel like there's something about me that I don't see - something that some people like a lot (otherwise why would I have so many hits lol) and then there's something about me that people hate with such passion they can't stand me and want to make it known... I don't get it.

It's weird too... the people who end up being your friends, and the people who fall off the face of the earth or who limit contact...

Anyway, off the topic a little but not really... I was driving to work today - in tears (although I did have a pretty good show regardless of my fragile emotional state) - and I was planning a bachelorette party in my head LOL... There was something on the radio about a bachelorette party so I just started thinking about things to do for a bachelorette party! I know I'll be the LAST of my friends to get married... and even though there's nothing in the works right now I have made mental notes of some pretty f'd up things I'm going to make my girls do so WATCH OUT... and I was also thinking about how nice it will be when the time comes to finally be the one doing something for my friends instead of them always doing stuff for me.

Anyway, Kyla is awake. It is late, I should be in bed but I'm an insomniac. I'm going to pick her up so we can snuggle.

;)

D

blogger's block.

You know you have blogger's block when you sit in front of the computer, hands poised over the keyboard, for about 5 minutes (which seems like an hour) and you can't come up with what to blog about... you know you WANT to blog... but you aren't quite sure what to say or if you should say what is on your mind... So yeah, I have blogger's block.

Actually, now that I started writing... it's kinda gone. I now feel that thoughts are running freely from my mind right through my fingertips and onto the screen...

Oh wait, no. I still have blogger's block. I thought I didn't when I was typing about my blogger's block, but then I paused again once I said I no longer had blogger's block.

Do you think the word "blog" will end up in Webster's dictionary soon? Is it already? I don't remember the last time I used a dictionary so for all I know it could be in there. Blog is a noun, verb, adverb, adjective... one of those words that can be used as any part of speech. Coolness!

It's a nice day today. I worked on the air from 10a-3p - it was fun. Every single person who called in was either working or spring cleaning!

I took a drive through Harvard Square on my way home, just to get the spring weekend in the city feel... It was nice, tooooo much traffic though... and POTHOLES. Potholes around here are BAD right now... I was on one road that was so bumpy I started to think I was experiencing an earthquake!!

I suppose with the tunnels around here caving in they have bigger problems than potholes... but whatever. At least the potholes can be fixed with a little bit of cement and a shovel... the tunnels are another story.

I ended up going to McDonald's on the way home from work. I was DYING for Subway, but the one around the corner from the radio station is CLOSED FOR RENOVATIONS, and in the HOUR LONG drive home I didn't pass another Subway!!!

In Tampa there was a Subway at every other gas station... here there's ONE that I know of and it of course was closed!!! I just didn't know what else I wanted and about half way home my stomach started growling at me so I caved and picked up some chicken nuggets... I swear they gave me about 30 of them because I was chowing down non-stop the whole ride home and still had a nugget left when I got in the house... I won't be a MILF for long if I keep rockin' the fast food.

What else do I have... um, nothing. Other than all the thoughts that keep running through my head that I wish I could run from but I can't.

:)

D

what do you think???

Cool new stuff coming to the MILF Diaries... this is just a taste :)

Do you like the logo???? My friend Riggs (fellow radio person) made it... I had no idea he was such an ARTIST!!! He whipped that puppy up in all of about 20 minutes!!! I SOOOOOO LOVE IT... pay attention to the one little detail I wanted "tossed" in LOL...

It's going to be changed a little bit...

I actually liked the other blogger layout better for the MILF site, but its a more complicated template to edit and I am really not too good at CSS code yet... and the colors clashed with the graphic... so I'm going to work with this and make some hit or miss trial and error changes.

I was feeling better earlier but now I'm just blah again. Damned if I do damned if I don't situations really kill me.

Hope you like the new graphic - I LOOOOOOOVVVVEEEEE IT!!!!

:)

D

don't try this at home.

Now I would think this is just some God-awful nutjob of a chick looking for attention and a painfull thrill... but the following pictures prove it just might be the next big PIERCING TREND - because 2 other people have done it too!!!





WHAT ARE THESE GIRLS DOING??? Who came up with this INSANITY!?!?!?

Yes that's a lovely bow, however - THERE IS NO NEED TO PIERCE YOURSELF 20 TIMES IN THE BACK IN ORDER TO WEAR SOME PRETTY RIBBON ON YOUR PERSON!!! You could wear it in your hair - around a ponytail or around your whole head, or tie it around your waist as a belt (that's "in" now), or hang a charm from it to make a sweet little necklace...

I'd like to weave a potholder, mind if I use your back as a loom?

Maybe the ties on their bikini tops were too long and they needed something to do with the excess string?

If I thread some guitar string through there we could make some real beautiful music ;)

If you were my daughter, I'd buy a bicycle lock and chain you by those rings TO THE STOVE!!

I would also like to suggest piercing your mouth about 10 times and LACING IT SHUT since you're obviously so stupid anything that would come out of your mouth would just be better left unsaid!!!!

Dana.
A MILF now desperately afraid this will be the eyebrow piercing "no big deal Mom" of my daughter's generation.

AAALLLLLVVVVVVIIIIIIINNNNN!!!!

Have you heard that freaking Akon song that sounds like Alvin & The Chipmunks Sing the Blues??? Looonely, I'm so lonely, I have nobody... I just want to bust in on it with that "AALLLVVVIIIINNN" thing from the Chipmunks Christmas Album... actually, we had that shit on 8 track!! I remember crying when the 8 track player ate it...

Anyway, the dirt site - and this blog - grow EVERY day... And people who link to me end up getting lots of traffic to their sites because of my referrer list so if you want some hits, try linking to me from your website or blog!!

I feel so bad for Rich from LFO... a friend told me last night he has leukemia. I posted about it on the dirt page too... He's a sweet guy and this has to be so difficult for him and his family to deal with. He's at a hospital in Boston for chemo. Definitely keep him in your thoughts and prayers.

Kyla is awake... it's not so sunny out but I think it's warm. I can't wait until she's old enough to go on a little picnic or play in the sandbox, etc. Right now we just sit on the front steps and I stop her from eating pebbles LOL.

No word yet on the ex's marital status LMAO... Lonely, I am so lonely... AAAALLLVIIIINNNN!!!

Peace out to the holleration.

:)

D

on second thought...

Blogger has been acting up SO MUCH tonight - that's why there are some posts repeated on the other blog, etc... so I am not going to bother writing. With my luck I'll compose a masterpiece of bliterature (blog literature) and it will just never post...

So goodnight, I need to count sheep and overcome this insomnia anyway.

Toodles.

collide... fallen... clocks

Weird how these are the songs I am choosing to crank up loud tonight while I'm on the air... I am in a depressed mood. It will pass as it always does... but I have some guilt issues going on.

More later when I'm in a better mood!!

D

going out on a limb.

OK... I hesitate to write this just because I know how many people read this, but I'm going to put that aside for a minute and just speak openly about this.

The other night the name of one of my ex-boyfriends came up. Someone I know knows someone who is still in touch with him... Of course I wanted to know if he was married LOL - that's always the question now with ex-boyfriends, isn't it?

I know I am NOT the only one who wonders if men from my past are settled and happy!!!

Anyway, the person I know who knows someone who knows him isn't sure... but doesn't think he's married. This guy was REALLY good to me. I was in college and he was older, and I broke up with him because I was bored. Just wanted to have fun at college and didn't want to deal with a boyfriend who lived far away, had a full time job, didn't "fit in" with my sorority life, etc... so I dumped him. Hey, at least I didn't cheat, right?

A few years later I found out he was actually dating someone who worked with a friend of mine, but I'm pretty sure they are no longer together.

So now the question is, should I have the person I know who knows someone who knows him see if it's ok for me to contact him? I just want to see how he's doing. And of course there is that part of me that's smacking myself because if someone like him walked into my life right now I'd be happy. If he isn't with someone right now it can only be for one reason - he's TOO NICE. At least he always was to me...

I have been thinking about this off and on for a week now and it's starting to get to me... like am I obsessed and stalkerish... or just human in wondering about someone from my past who I know I wronged. It's been 8 years - I'm sure he's over it LOL... but still I just would like to say hi.

Anyway, there's my deep thought of the day... read on for stuff about freaky Peter Pan wannabes and chickens.

:)

D

bringing back an old favorite...

OK, in an earlier post I brought up the whole "TCO" thing and explained that it came from the website of a man in Tampa who dresses up like Peter Pan and whatnot.

Here he is. He's jumping in the air in an attempt to make it appear as if he is flutterring about in his pixie costume. This man is wacky as they come... and you'll never believe this -

HE IS NOT GAY!

In fact, he's desperately seeking Tinkerbell!!

I wonder if Disney condones this use of the whole Peter Pan thing??

Here's the link to his website... But I'm warning you - it's pure silliness, and while reading it keep in mind - this is a real person who lives in the Tampa Bay area... this sh*t could be going on right in your neighborhood.

He specializes in Peter Pan antics but also dabbles in hopping like a bunny rabbit on special occasions... oh, and I can't forget about his cameo as Little Boy Blue too!

The first time I saw this website I couldn't stop laughing... It was actually before I moved to FL, my friend sent it to me and I looked at it at work with some of the other girls in the office and we were HYSTERICAL IN TEARS laughing. I do have a weird sense of humor, but you gotta check out all the poses and realize this guy takes himself really seriously. It's too funny for words.

I mean, I love me some Tinkerbell but this guy is out of control...

www.pixyland.org

Let me know if you laugh... and if you know of any hysterical strange bizarre websites, let me know!!

I think she got a little scared when I backed up so far away from her to take the picture!!

She likes to chill out holding onto her stroller in the front yard...

Kyla checking out the neighbors LOL

why did the chicken cross the road?

I know the answer to this question... First hand.

How BIZARRE is this. I'm driving to work last night (Monday night - I forgot to post this sooner) and all these cars are stopped.... I'm like, what is going on... I'm going to be late for work!!!

Then I realize A CHICKEN IS CROSSING THE ROAD. YES, A CHICKEN CROSSED THE ROAD... and YES, IT GOT TO THE OTHER SIDE.

Obviously it crossed the road to get to the other side, but my question is WHERE OH WHERE DID THE CHICKEN COME FROM? No, I don't mean, WHICH COMES FIRST THE CHICKEN OR THE EGG... I just mean, WHERE DID THIS CHICKEN COME FROM that it was crossing the road near my dad's house??? There must be a chicken farm somewhere... but how WEIRD.

I have seen geese and ducks crossing the road before, but never in my life have I experienced a chicken crossing the road.

Then I started being superstitious... like is seeing a chicken cross the road the same as seeing a black cat crawl under a ladder? I Googled it and found nothing... so I'm not worried. But it freaked me out!!

Now I can speak with authority on the subject when asked "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

I was hoping the chicken would do something spectacular when it arrived at the other side so I could bear witness to something more exciting than just plain getting to the other side... but nothing.

Then I started wondering if it would have been OK to hit the chicken and grill it for dinner??

Now I'm hungry.

:)

D

TCO!

Spring is FINALLY HERE! It's so nice out today... we went for a walk and played on the front stoop!

LOL... do you know what TCO is? TOTAL CUTENESS OVERLOAD... Hehehe... I found that phrase a long time ago on this hilarious website... actually the guy lives in Tampa - or he did anyway - and he thinks he is friggin' Peter Pan... and he takes pictures of himself jumping up in the air as if he is flying like a fairy... It's a riot. And he says "this picture is TCO" - meaning Total Cuteness Overload. So now once in a while I use that phrase.

OK, a friend of mine - a guy friend - wants out of his current relationship... but he seems to be contemplating taking the A**HOLE WAY OUT!!!

Yeah, just NOT TELLING HER...

In fact, he told me he needed to pick up that book "He's Just Not That Into You" in order to figure out how to "hint his way out" of the relationship!!! What an ass. I don't know the chick so it's really none of my business... but still.



So what do you do - do you tell the girl/guy that the relationship is over, or do you just blow the person off and "hint" your way out of it???

I have to be honest, every guy who has ever "dumped" me has just taken the "hinting" approach. I've never been told to my face, or even in an email or phone call, that "it's over"... It's always been "eventually she'll get the hint".

This is wrong. If it's only been a few dates it's one thing to just stop calling... but if you've officially been "together" you owe the person an "it's over"...

OK, on to other things. Kyla and I had so much fun outside today... what a nice day!!! We walked around the block, talked to some neighbors, then sat on the front stoop for a while and hung out. She was all about watching the other kids riding their bikes.

These 3 boys were riding their bikes in the street and one of them just thought it would be funny to cut this other kid off, and PURPOSELY CRASH... so he did, they both fell off their bikes!!! The kid who caused the collision was wearing a helmet, the other kid was not... Neither of them got hurt.... but all I could think of was the bike accident my brother and sister had - and my brother broke his leg in HALF and was in a cast for like 4 months!!

Anyway, I'm on the air now and I need to focus...

:)

D

fun with a headache.

Yes... tonight was fun on the air... now I'm at the station finishing up some other stuff... my head has been hurting all night. It's so weird these headaches I'm getting again... My friend thinks it might be all the junk food, combined with stress, and lack of sleep. Yeah, that sounds like a recipe for headaches!

I just want sleep. The one GOOD thing about my headaches is that I can sleep through them!! Once my head hits the pillow I'm out... Some people have them and can't sleep - mine go away with sleep. Hooray!

I'm shocked at how many hits the dirt page is getting... today was biggest day yet!!! I am getting links from all kinds of different places which is cool... now if only I could figure out how to make money off it LOL...

I am gonna jet - this week is going to be a little nuts since I am working at night and that's usually when I am online - after Kyla goes to bed.

:)

D

All my new toys!!

I'm a BADASS BIKER CHICK NOW!

I'll figure this thing out eventually!

THE BEST DAY EVER!!!

All I can say is we had the BEST day!!! Kyla's 1st birthday party was so much fun... Everyone was here, she had a BLAST and got tons of great presents!!

I am SO exhausted but it wouldn't be a good day in the life of D*ana if I didn't post photos and blog about it before going to bed... It's become ritual. Life is so precious, might as well write it all down.

As you'll notice in the pictures, Kyla went through 2 dresses LOL... after cake I just had to change her. She made quite a mess but it was SO CUTE. She was just chowing down!!

Presents time was the most fun... I was actually surprised at how into it she really was... She'd be content to just rip wrapping paper all afternoon... and once she'd get a gift open she just wanted to sit and play with it for a while, and we were all like "NEXT"... I tried to capture everything but I also wanted to help her along and enjoy her opening stuff... She was overwhelmed with all of it... constant stimulation...

I am going to get to bed. I am sure she'll be up and ready to play bright and early in the morning, and I have some cleaning up to finish. There are toys EVERYWHERE in the livingroom right now!! Plus I am working nights this week at the radio station so I'll be "pooped" as Hokey Pokey Elmo would say... HOKEY POKEY ELMO - BIG HIT with Kyla!!!

I couldn't have asked for a better birthday party for her... I really do have the greatest family and the greatest friends!!!

Goodnight - more tomorrow... and of course you'll see pictures of her modelling all the cute clothes she got over the next several weeks LOL...

:)

D

How cute is that little hat - too bad it didn't stay on her head very long... oh, and I MADE THE CAKE... It TASTED great!

Look at all the cute decorations Mommy & Grammy picked out!

Giving my new baby doll kisses :)

Finally figuring out how to tear the wrapping paper off!

Snacktime Tigger... How do I get him out of this darn box??

All 1 year olds should get a Hokey Pokey Elmo...

SHE LOVES HOKEY POKEY ELMO!!!

The softest little doggie!!

Hokey Pokey Elmo...

My first little bike from Grampy & Grammy!!

Disney Princesses Book!

My very own Elmo cell phone!

Princess bath towels and a pretty bath toy!

What's in here?

Going right for the yum yums!!

How cute is that hat????

Somebody LOVES cake!